R.I.P. Penguins 2006/2007 Season

Ever since the Penguins were summarily dispatched by the Dave Matthew Band of hockey, the Ottawa Senators (heartless bastards with no love for a great story) I've been somewhat depressed about the world of sports. Sure, I've got College Hoops 2k7 and memories of World Cup soccer announcers saying "Seaman to Butt", but there's just something missing. Luckily I saw this story today:

"Sidney Crosby is among the candidates for Time Magazine's list of the 100 most influential people in the world, known as the Time 100.

Voting is taking place right now here on Time.com. Crosby recently became the youngest player ever to win a scoring title in a major professional sport and is considered the fresh new face of the NHL."

You'll note that Daniel Alfredsson didn't make the list. I guess all the schoolchildren who he psychologically scarred don't count as having "real influence". Combine the Time list with the new Penguins arena, and there's hope for me yet.

Panda Bear - Person Pitch

PANDA BEAR
Person Pitch

So there I sat, parked at the cliff's edge. As I hypnotized the engine, my eyes rested on the cape unfolding before me. The harbour abruptly ended in front of me, the vertex of which nudged the street to the hospital. The hospital was a hazy brown, and the cars like pigments on a postcard. The seagulls gathered on one of the drying dunes as the tide inched out to sea, "Comfy in Nautica" seeped into my brain like the salt our wind carries.

Panda Bear's latest is a new age soundtrack set against indie stoner Beach Boys harmonies, and it's very surreal when you get lost in its blissful malaise. When you prod any member of Animal Collective about what drugs he indulges in, you tend to take a fork in the eye, but there is a definite frosting of hot boxery over tracks like "Take Pills", which starts out in a sleazy ambient groove but morphs into a sing-a-long ditty about clumsy self-righteousness.

The only criticism one could venture is how indulgent the album can be, but in the right mindset it doesn't so much overstay its welcome as occasionally lose its consciousness in moments of sunshine and cocktails. I fecking love this shiz. But I'm not sober, so don't scrutinize my spelling or coherence, suckas.

Something That Really Sufs My Jan

So I've come to realize that I absolutely detest people who smash guitars on stage. I caught a repeat of the Arcade Fire's performance on SNL and after an exceedingly lackluster performance of Intervention I think, Win broke his guitar like he was Hendrix. It's become such a caricature of rock posturing, and to see this token from a band that is used to only breaking hipsters' hearts was indicative of just what I don't like about Neon Bible. I have nothing wrong with being ambitious, but even George W. Bush wouldn't support the execution.

So here are a couple albums you should listen to instead of Neon Bible (and both from Scandinavians):

Sondre Lerche: Phantom Punch - I was somewhat disheartened with Lerche's last album, the obsessively smooth Duper Sessions, and it seemed to signal a distilling of the worst aspects of Two Way Monologue. He had never been Mr. Testosterone, but he was clever and poppy and I liked that. Phantom Punch isn't exactly a return, but it has guitars and a sense of purpose. When it was posted on his website that this would be a "rock album", I figured it would either be an atrocious mangled loud affair or a repeat of REM's Around the Sun (wasn't that supposed to be a "rock album"?). But this is everything those two options aren't.

Hello Saferide: Introducing... - This was released a while ago elsewhere, but I expect great things from the sweetly voiced Annika Norlin and she seems to enjoy nothing more than putting her slightly off kilter thoughts into a rhyme scheme. She sings love songs hoping people get sick so she can nurse them back to health and intones "Damn, I wish you were a lesbian" to her best friend.